Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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