The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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