If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
