I have demons in me.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
why is half of my head shaved?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
