Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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