Whod you bang
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
