I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
