Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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