Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
