dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
