Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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