Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
