I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
