Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
