well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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