I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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