it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I need to stop coming to work sober
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
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