Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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