are you so shy because you have an std?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
