Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
