so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
