I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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