..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
