hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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