Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
