There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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