But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
