So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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