There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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