Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
