Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
