i think my mom watched the whole time
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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