Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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