my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You need a sexual gate keeper
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize