glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
