you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
