im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
