If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
