My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
