Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
