you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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