your parents love me but you hate me
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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