Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
