Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
