I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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