i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
