woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
