we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
