I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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