A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
