OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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