can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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