i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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