I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
