I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
