ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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