Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Boobs are out for the taking
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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