i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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