The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
