Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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