I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I want to fling myself into the sun
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
