The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
