i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
