dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
