she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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