I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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