new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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