Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
